From Broken to Beautiful

Hello my queens! 

It is currently 11:18 PM, which is pretty late for me, as I type whatever it is that flows to my mind. I can't help but sit at a blank screen without even knowing where to begin. Life has become so incredibly busy I almost forgot how therapeutic it is to sit and write. I pray that the words that come to me are from the Lord and that they will impact the hearts of those who need to hear it. 

Let me start out by saying that I had no idea when I asked God this morning to break my heart for what breaks His that He would really hand it to me. My heart is broken from the stories I heard from some sweet friends and family today. From loss to anxiety, to sickness, to hurt, to uncertainty, to insecurity, to loneliness and to anger I am left feeling completely and utterly broken. After taking in these stories the most I can sit here and do is feel thankful for being in the midst of grace like an avalanche and pray. 

I pray for the friend that is in the midst of a health crisis, uncertain about what they will do as they expect God to work a miracle in their life. I pray for the friend that is dealing with family problems, and the hurt and burden that she is facing as she steps in and takes on a larger role than she should have to. I pray for the friend who just had to deal with a loss and is feeling lonely and angry. I also pray for the friend who is stuck in the midst of uncertainty about their life & insecure on starting a new beginning that could ultimately be life changing for them. Lastly, I pray for the friend that is allowing anxiety to consume her about her future because she is not happy with where she is currently at. 

I read and re-read these prayers and I begin to feel angry that all of these things could be going on to these sweet women in my life. I am reminded of where these feelings come from that they are not from God. God tells us that he is the Almighty Healer, the Great Connector, the Ultimate Comforter, the Prince of Peace and THE Way, Truth & Light. Notice that it doesn't say "A way…" but "THE way…" He wants to comfort us through the hard times and celebrate with us through the big wins. He has the plan already figured out, we just have to trust Him through the season in order to be launched into something greater. After all, storms make trees take deeper roots.

My prayer for you is that if you are reading this feeling any of these emotions or even something different, that you will stand firm on the rock that is higher than we are. You will know that you are the daughter of the highest King and you are not to be messed with! Also, I hope you learned that our morning car prayers should be taken very seriously and if we ask God to do something big that day he really will!

Continuing to pray and believe that the best is yet to come,

Our Best or God's Best?

"And everyday, let me be like a sunflower; so that even on the darkest days I will stand tall and find the sunlight."

Hey babe risers, it's been a while since I last chatted with you all. To catch you up, life has been filled with new things it's almost been hard to keep up. I finished esthetics school, got my license and officially started taking clients at the salon. I'm so grateful to make an impact on people not only physically with their skin but also their hearts. My career path as an esthetician is so much more than making someone who is 60 look like they're 20 (we wish). It's about conditioning the heart and soul, loving on others and making them feel undeniably beautiful to themselves. Since high school, I felt a tug on my heart to go into full time ministry. In my mind, that meant working for "the big C" aka: church. Throughout this past year I have patiently learned that your full time ministry is your life wherever you are, and you can bring that into your work place. I am fully handing this business over to God and asking him to stretch me everyday. I ask Him to give me opportunities to speak life into people and to give them a purpose so much greater than the things of the world they are seeking. I cannot wait to step deeper into this ministry and see all that God has in store.

I really want to speak to you tonight about something personal. Something that I feel I wouldn't normally shout to the world but I'm in a mood to be transparent so here it goes. 

R E J E C T I O N

"Rejection doesn't mean you aren't good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer."

We're all ladies here, so I am sure we've all felt those nights of rejection. Where you get dressed in that glorious outfit you've been waiting wear, hair is on point and your make-up is actually looking decent, only to arrive to find out you've been rejected. Rejection and abandonment has to stand high up there on the top 10 horrible feelings someone can feel.

Since leaving my job at Chick-fil-A the Lord put me on this crazy journey of finding and bettering myself every day. Part of that has been to overcome the rejection and abandonment issues that I felt from my biological dad not being a part of my life for the last 21 years. I believe that in the society that we live in today we deal with rejection on a daily basis, probably more than 100 times a day. You don't have to have abandonment in your life to say you suffer with rejection. We reject ourselves when we watch the Kardashians and see the ideal body society wants us to have, we reject ourselves when we post on Instagram and don't get as many likes as you did the day before, we feel rejected when our friend is having an off day and they don't send us their normal happy text. We feel rejection daily. 

So many emotions have been going on throughout my life recently and through my fellow boss babe risers lives. I hear stories and my heart just aches for what my sisters are going through. This very recent story (not to be shared for the secrecy of my girlfriend) made me reflect on myself on a-whole-nother level. I sat there and felt totally rejected because of thoughts the enemy placed into my mind. Things like, "you're really just not good enough for him", "you know, he's pursuing that other girl that he really likes spending time with" "maybe marriage just isn't in the books for you" or the best one yet "why would you even begin to think he would like someone like you?" So there I sat in my car, realizing it was a while back that I cried that hard, talking on the phone with a beautiful and sweet, sweet friend that told me it was okay to let it out and it hit me…I am NOT the one being rejected in this.

Let me explain myself a little better. I don't know about you but if I think for even one second that someone I like doesn't want to spend time with me or maybe isn't showing the same level of flirtation I count that as an immediate rejection. PAUSE. That's a lie. I had to stop and realize the reality, that I am making a conscious decision that at this moment he is not the right person for me. It's not rejection it's a decision. A decision to move on and be better. Focus on my path and my relationship with God and wait for the best He has to give me. Ladies that is what we will hold out for…God’s BEST. 

Let me send out a little reminder to you who may be hurting like I was tonight. Hurt, Pain, Anger, Temptation, Rejection and Abandonment all come from the enemy himself. He comes to steal, kill and destroy our lives while our God comes to bring us life and life to it's fullest. Whenever you think you're being rejected from something (we think is) good, remember that you could be redirected to something so much better. God makes beautiful things out of our mistakes. I am a living testimony to that.  Do not let the enemy feed you the thoughts and lies that you're not good enough. We are women warriors that will tell the enemy to put his nose in a corner because we are NOT having it today. We are holding out for God's best. If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value. Stand firm in knowing your worth in Christ. Trust and be obedient and all other things will fall into place.

“We are wild and free, we are never too much and we are ALWAYS enough.”

Thanks for allowing me to be open, honest and transparent with you. I pray that this post will help you realize your worth and all that you deserve. 

Until next time lady loves,

Battlefield

Hey beautiful, what are you battling today?

I could start listing common things that women of all ages have to combat on the daily, but every other blog does that. Besides, you're already familiar with what pulls on your heart strings. I don't need to know the details hidden in the lies that the enemy likes to whisper when we are most vulnerable.

I'm here to give you something to fight back with.

I don't know if you have seen the movie War Room or not, but there is a powerful scene where a wife and mother walks through her grieving home and renounces the devil. She tells him that he can't have her joy, her husband or their home. I definitely had goosebumps. I thought about the areas of my life that needed a little devil denial, I didn't really want to talk to him but even more I didn't want him to have a foothold. I am a child of God, my mission is to lead with love and shine a light, so yeah, shaking off the darkness is necessary.

Keep fighting for joy and peace. Here are some things I would suggest, because we are never alone in this struggle to find light beckoning from the end of the tunnel:

1. Make a prayer board/journal/corner/war room.

I went with a prayer board because I felt like being fancy but you can do this however your creative genius wants to. I hung it so that its the first thing that I see in the morning and the last at night. In my prayer life I tend to wander or just pray when I remember to or *gasp* sometimes I only remember when I need something - don't judge no one is perfect lol. 

I want to be more intentional with my prayer life, I'm not exactly warrior status yet but it will be hard to not pray with this beautiful thing in my face morning and night. 

Prayer, especially prayers of thanksgiving keep us in the proper position and head space. 

2. Cultivate some meaningful friendships.

Do you have girlfriends that hold nothing back/you accountable/some pretty great memories?

If not, its time that you do.

These soul friends are one of life's greatest blessings.  

These are your God-given sisters, celebrate the good stuff often, be ready for eye squinting laughter and lend your shoulder or ear whenever needed.  Call out and pour into their lives as God leads you to and have them do the same for you.  If you are ever feeling like you aren't enough surely they will be there to remind you that you are a daughter of the most high king, your worth and potential are endless.

3. Stop buying into what the world is {desperately} trying to sell you. 

Opt out of magazine subscriptions that make you feel like you'll never attain what is on the cover, unfollow accounts that cause you to envy or compare, let go those that hurt you emotionally or physically, turn off tv shows that promote cloning every one to be exactly the same or make you feel like less, turn down (for what?!) music that is degrading. 

(Just think of all the time and money you'll save! Haha)

4. Jam out to some feel good music! 

It's totally ok to show off those goofy-two-left-feet dance moves you've got. 

#nojudgement 

When I need inner peace and need to regain my bearings on what actually matters in life, it helps a whole lot to tune out and only listen to the voices that echo love and support rooted in truth.

You can do this, and you don't have to buy a pill or powder or subscribe to a program to do it.

Start small. Figure out what sets you apart, remind yourself as often as need be that you are lovely, and talented and really good at winning charade games. Or just whatever it is that you like about you,  don't be passive in protecting it. 

Find a way to implement the 4 things I listed above and you will be gaining battlegrounds left and right, winning, it's hard, but you were made for this. 

Happy Weekend Boss Babes, 

Yeezy or Richy

My fellow ladyloves!

So here I am, staring at a blank screen questioning how in the world to start my first ever blog post. Part of me, as exciting as it is, has been avoiding it. There are so many things I want to share, but have yet to figure out how to put it into words. So here I am, staring at a now not-so-blank screen, writing to the beautiful and worthy babes (and maybe dudes) that are willing to read.

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Morgan but if you are rad enough, you might get to call me Mango. I like Chick-fil-A sauce, laying down on the beach (because who really enjoys long walks?) and Jesus (but not in that order). I grew up in sunny SoFlo with my one of a kind best friend who worked incredibly hard as a single working momma. I have recently embarked on this amazing journey of living on my own, starting a new job that has lead into furthering my education and building my future career. To say the least, it’s been a learning curve in so many ways. That’s just the skinny, but I’m sure we’ll find ways to divulge more things about me as this blog post goes on :)

Last night, I had dinner with a friend who took her sweet time to pour into me. I wish I could stress to you enough how beautiful it is to have a mentor in your life. She celebrates me in my big moments, encourages me in my down moments and ultimately reminds me of the Lord’s promises. Let me just say, last night’s conversations were not ordinary. We often speak on relationships because that seems to be the center of focus for me at this ripe old age of twenty-two (says Taylor Swift). She shared a quote with me that could not have slapped me harder in the face than a whiff of that freshly opened bottle of jalapeño salsa. Yes we were eating tacos. Are you ready? Here it is...

“You can so easily build a knight in shining armor out of a man made of straw.”

BOOM.

Let that sink in…

I look back on so many “relationships” in my past and think, how many men made of straw did I throw a little spray paint on and hand an armor and a sword and say “Yeah, that’s good enough”? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why don’t we realize that we are SO worthy of the man that God hand selected for us even if it means waiting longer than intended? Why don’t we understand that we are MORE than enough? We are daughters of the HIGHEST King. We deserve it. We are worthy. Many times our past comes back to haunt us whether it is seeing divorce as a child or going through one as an adult. Sometimes it's the lack of a parent while growing up, bullies throughout high school or some rotten boy who said you weren't good enough or said you were less than beautiful. Making poor decisions and allowing the guilt that the enemy throws at us can separate us from God as well. Yes, many of times those things impact us in the moment but God's plan is so much bigger than those past mistakes. 

"Let the ruins come to life
 in the beauty of Your Name
 rising up from the ashes
God forever You reign.
And my soul will find refuge
In the shadow of your wings
I will love you forever
And forever I'll sing."

So my rising-girls let this be a testimony to us. Do not settle for the man of straw especially if that scarecrow does not love you the way Jesus loves His bride. Choosing the scarecrow over the long awaited knight in shining armor is like picking Kanye over Rich Wilkerson Jr. If you don't know who either of them are, skip looking up Yeezy and go straight for Richy, but be prepared to swoon because yes he loves Jesus.
Ladies, hold out for your Wilkerson!!!

Hell NO…                          …Heaven YES


My friend/mentor shared a few titles for me to read as I go through this new stage in life. Now even though I’m not the best reader, I hope you are as encouraged as I am to read these along with me…

§  The New Rules of Sex, Love & Dating by Andy Stanley (Yes, Alyssa I will finish it!)

§  The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas

§  Boundaries in Dating, Safe People, Integrity & Never Go Back all by Henry Cloud

Until next time my ladyloves,

"It's not your time yet."

Have you ever been on the receiving end of those words?
Meant to comfort, yet left you feeling pretty raw and full of why's?
Me too.

My entire existence, I've heard about 'God's plan' for my life.
Several times I've veered (see also: nose-dived) off that path, only to find my way back wishing I had just stayed the course. I am impatient, I look too far ahead and want it all before it's ripened. I'm guessing I'm not the only one in this particular corner.

The season that I am in has left me quite jealous - bleh, I hate that word but I can't phrase it any other way. The age group that I am in, the people that I grew up with, most of them are engaged or married and starting families.  Even though we all got married around the same time, we didn't all stay married (oh wait, just me?), that puts me back a few steps. I understand that time has a say in all of this, it requires much to heal a wound that deep.

My heart so longs for the companionship of a spouse, and I actually want one of those screaming, pooping, cooing little things that it seems like everyone else has left the hospital with. I genuinely have never wanted to have children more than I have in the last year or so. But I can't, being single, I don't have the other half of the required DNA strand. I don't have someone to adventure with or learn and grow with. It would be different if I was happy in my singleness but I think it's safe to say that I am decidedly not overjoyed about it. The most common antidotal phrase that one hears whilst whining about such a problem is "it's just not your time yet", well why the heck not?

Not to make a mockery of God's plan but why would He create such a strong desire in my heart only to have me wait? I'm sorry Lord but the wait has made me bitter, I don't get it. It feels like i'm forgotten. Can I just be blunt and say that I'm pretty upset about it? (If you couldn't tell, lol)
I mean, after everything I went through, I definitely expected there to be a well earned, unicorn, fairy dust, weak in the knees, type of love on the other end of that battle.

Switching gears:
I've had some time to think about this, I think the answer lies in the fact that I feel like I deserve a relationship, I deserve the happily ever after - don't get me wrong, i'm hella worth it, but God doesn't OWE me that. He's not indebted to my wants. He has a good plan but it doesn't mean that He will give me exactly what I, in my humanness, want. Does that make sense? No? You've probably never been to church and think I sound bat-crap crazy. Sorry, google Jeremiah 29:11 - it'll make a little more sense, haha.

Last year my counselor recommended that I read "The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating" by Andy Stanley - I really didn't want to. I didn't care about anything at that point so reading a dating book wasn't high on my list of things to do. However, I wanted to finish up counseling so I ordered it.
It collected dust for awhile. I started to read a little bit of it, which was actually pretty interesting - but I was dating someone (awful) and I didn't like being so confounded by the truths in that book. Once again it sat for a month or so. As I closed in on my twenty seventh birthday I finally deiced to finish it so I could donate it or burn it or whatever. This time around though, the experience was completely different. I was open to the wisdom before me, I didn't feel guilty about what I read. I laughed, I dog-eared the pages, I told my friends about it, highlighted it, and lent it out to a friend when I was done. Most importantly, I took the challenge at the end of the book.

Andy Stanley had the nerve to challenge me to take a break from dating, the idea seemed preposterous - I was actively trying to find my one true love and settle the heck down, not settle into singleness. He wasn't wrong though, I kept finding myself at the end of these relationships in which I left feeling unwanted and worthless. I was constantly searching and not finding. I was obsessed with the idea of getting engaged and having the perfect do-over wedding and then, then I could have it all. The family that I so longed for, I would be able to relate to my friends again and feel worthy.

This self-forced break encouraged me to take a hard look at why I didn't feel worthy. It forced me to date me, to find things about me that I like. Instead of trying to get someone else to fall in love with me and make me acceptable for me. Thats a heck of a lot of 'me' but you get the point. I ended up telling a lot of people about it and two more of my friends hopped on the bandwagon, which is great.
But I lost my focus a while back, while diligently searching for my one true love, I neglected my first love. God put the dating break in front of me so i'd have no choice but to look upward and inward, and learn that I am very much wanted and loved, I was created for a purpose and as His kid I am worthy. I only have a few more months of this fast and as much as I loathe being single I'm going to stick it out to prove to myself that I can make a commitment and follow through.
The book begged the question:
"Are you becoming the person that the person you are looking for, is looking for?"
Four months ago the answer was no, today the answer sounds a little more like i'm 'in the process'.

I haven't risen completely above those pangs of envy that Facebook and Instagram tend to generate but, I don't hate myself for not having a husband and children, yet.
Someday it'll be "my time", right?
Yeah.
Some day.

If you are waiting, be encouraged - you are not alone and this season might just be a gift.