Are you mad AT or mad FOR your Maker?

Do you want to hear something legitimately silly?

Sometimes, I get mad at God, like ball up your fists and 'pout or shout' about it mad. 

From His heavenly view, it must be hilarious to watch this freaking ant-sized girl full of sass and regret, stomping around trying to negotiate acts of faith for tangible wishes granted. 

Those of you who are enduring a season of waiting will recognize the exasperation of there not being a clear answer or end to the "whens" and "whys".  I heard one of those statistics the other day about how much of our lives we spend washing laundry, grocery shopping and on the toilet and I just started to wonder about other ways in which I, personally, am wasting my one trip around the sun. 

One obvious thing stuck out.

The shear amount of time I spend praying, wishing, dreaming, begging, picturing, writing, and thinking about how much I don't want to be alone anymore. About wishing that prince in shining armor would just ride up in his white mustang already. . . it's exhausting. I don't know if I've ever wanted anything as much as I want to be with that forever person. 

It hasn't been an easy journey to try and find him. 

Settle down RyGos. . .

So far I thought that I found "him" 5 times, my track record sucks but, I guess, Ryan Gosling was never really an option, haha.

Growing up I was pretty naive and pumped up on Nicholas Sparks novels, I thought life consisted of reaching a certain age, finding your person, getting married, having a family and then growing old while your brood doubled or tripled in size. I thought that was the whole point, I was sure that God had hand selected one person for each of us and the biggest challenge I would face would be figuring out which guy that I grew up with, would be at the end of the aisle. I never considered just how much could go wrong during that pursuit. I didn't entertain notions of divorce, waiting, infertility, long periods of singleness while everyone else you know seems to be drinking the engagement water or sending out birth announcements. I never knew how bitter I could be or that I would blame God for forgetting about me. But I did. 

Judge me if you must but, who else could possibly be to blame. . . ? 

Me? 

Don't be cray cray.

Many times I've repeated Jeremiah 29:11 to friends that needed encouragement along their own journeys, but the promise was lost on me because I couldn't see it in my present situation. 

Ladies, if you are waiting on that miracle man, baby or whatever else might be near/dear to your heart, it is not God's fault that we don't have what we think we need, desperately want, or feel we might deserve. We have to stop comparing our lives to those of the ones we envy on social media.

Let's not focus on what we don't have, lets take stock of the blessings we do have and look forward to what might someday be, with excitement - without robbing us of the here and now. 

Your life is not "paused" because you are waiting. There was/is a bend in your path to give you the opportunity to experience something that not all get the opportunity to. If you can not muster Queen-Bey-like contentment and confidence, if, instead you struggle with singleness like myself, use this time of un-distractedness to redirect your focus, be purposeful. Practice being happier than you feel and kinder than you're inclined to. Learn to love yourself. Thank God for this time to bind your heart to His before He places it in the hands of the man who is worthy of it. 

Trust me, settling is an awful, broken thing straight from hell.

Babes, I'm preaching to myself here too,  I want to be expectant of great things.

I want to be intentional with this time and not wish away my 20's, Lord knows they are flying by fast enough as is!

Daniel 3:18

Just know that when relatives or older people or sometimes even your peers, make comments that hurt and remind you of what you don't have. . .they haven't walked a mile in your bada** boots, they haven't lived through what you have. Things were different for them and God bless em, good for them! You are not "less" simply because you aren't in their position. You are enough and your life matters just as much. 

You aren't forgotten darling, 

He is holding you a little closer right now to prepare you for the blessings headed your way! 

Praise hand up, thats worth getting excited about!