From Broken to Beautiful

Hello my queens! 

It is currently 11:18 PM, which is pretty late for me, as I type whatever it is that flows to my mind. I can't help but sit at a blank screen without even knowing where to begin. Life has become so incredibly busy I almost forgot how therapeutic it is to sit and write. I pray that the words that come to me are from the Lord and that they will impact the hearts of those who need to hear it. 

Let me start out by saying that I had no idea when I asked God this morning to break my heart for what breaks His that He would really hand it to me. My heart is broken from the stories I heard from some sweet friends and family today. From loss to anxiety, to sickness, to hurt, to uncertainty, to insecurity, to loneliness and to anger I am left feeling completely and utterly broken. After taking in these stories the most I can sit here and do is feel thankful for being in the midst of grace like an avalanche and pray. 

I pray for the friend that is in the midst of a health crisis, uncertain about what they will do as they expect God to work a miracle in their life. I pray for the friend that is dealing with family problems, and the hurt and burden that she is facing as she steps in and takes on a larger role than she should have to. I pray for the friend who just had to deal with a loss and is feeling lonely and angry. I also pray for the friend who is stuck in the midst of uncertainty about their life & insecure on starting a new beginning that could ultimately be life changing for them. Lastly, I pray for the friend that is allowing anxiety to consume her about her future because she is not happy with where she is currently at. 

I read and re-read these prayers and I begin to feel angry that all of these things could be going on to these sweet women in my life. I am reminded of where these feelings come from that they are not from God. God tells us that he is the Almighty Healer, the Great Connector, the Ultimate Comforter, the Prince of Peace and THE Way, Truth & Light. Notice that it doesn't say "A way…" but "THE way…" He wants to comfort us through the hard times and celebrate with us through the big wins. He has the plan already figured out, we just have to trust Him through the season in order to be launched into something greater. After all, storms make trees take deeper roots.

My prayer for you is that if you are reading this feeling any of these emotions or even something different, that you will stand firm on the rock that is higher than we are. You will know that you are the daughter of the highest King and you are not to be messed with! Also, I hope you learned that our morning car prayers should be taken very seriously and if we ask God to do something big that day he really will!

Continuing to pray and believe that the best is yet to come,

Are you mad AT or mad FOR your Maker?

Do you want to hear something legitimately silly?

Sometimes, I get mad at God, like ball up your fists and 'pout or shout' about it mad. 

From His heavenly view, it must be hilarious to watch this freaking ant-sized girl full of sass and regret, stomping around trying to negotiate acts of faith for tangible wishes granted. 

Those of you who are enduring a season of waiting will recognize the exasperation of there not being a clear answer or end to the "whens" and "whys".  I heard one of those statistics the other day about how much of our lives we spend washing laundry, grocery shopping and on the toilet and I just started to wonder about other ways in which I, personally, am wasting my one trip around the sun. 

One obvious thing stuck out.

The shear amount of time I spend praying, wishing, dreaming, begging, picturing, writing, and thinking about how much I don't want to be alone anymore. About wishing that prince in shining armor would just ride up in his white mustang already. . . it's exhausting. I don't know if I've ever wanted anything as much as I want to be with that forever person. 

It hasn't been an easy journey to try and find him. 

Settle down RyGos. . .

So far I thought that I found "him" 5 times, my track record sucks but, I guess, Ryan Gosling was never really an option, haha.

Growing up I was pretty naive and pumped up on Nicholas Sparks novels, I thought life consisted of reaching a certain age, finding your person, getting married, having a family and then growing old while your brood doubled or tripled in size. I thought that was the whole point, I was sure that God had hand selected one person for each of us and the biggest challenge I would face would be figuring out which guy that I grew up with, would be at the end of the aisle. I never considered just how much could go wrong during that pursuit. I didn't entertain notions of divorce, waiting, infertility, long periods of singleness while everyone else you know seems to be drinking the engagement water or sending out birth announcements. I never knew how bitter I could be or that I would blame God for forgetting about me. But I did. 

Judge me if you must but, who else could possibly be to blame. . . ? 

Me? 

Don't be cray cray.

Many times I've repeated Jeremiah 29:11 to friends that needed encouragement along their own journeys, but the promise was lost on me because I couldn't see it in my present situation. 

Ladies, if you are waiting on that miracle man, baby or whatever else might be near/dear to your heart, it is not God's fault that we don't have what we think we need, desperately want, or feel we might deserve. We have to stop comparing our lives to those of the ones we envy on social media.

Let's not focus on what we don't have, lets take stock of the blessings we do have and look forward to what might someday be, with excitement - without robbing us of the here and now. 

Your life is not "paused" because you are waiting. There was/is a bend in your path to give you the opportunity to experience something that not all get the opportunity to. If you can not muster Queen-Bey-like contentment and confidence, if, instead you struggle with singleness like myself, use this time of un-distractedness to redirect your focus, be purposeful. Practice being happier than you feel and kinder than you're inclined to. Learn to love yourself. Thank God for this time to bind your heart to His before He places it in the hands of the man who is worthy of it. 

Trust me, settling is an awful, broken thing straight from hell.

Babes, I'm preaching to myself here too,  I want to be expectant of great things.

I want to be intentional with this time and not wish away my 20's, Lord knows they are flying by fast enough as is!

Daniel 3:18

Just know that when relatives or older people or sometimes even your peers, make comments that hurt and remind you of what you don't have. . .they haven't walked a mile in your bada** boots, they haven't lived through what you have. Things were different for them and God bless em, good for them! You are not "less" simply because you aren't in their position. You are enough and your life matters just as much. 

You aren't forgotten darling, 

He is holding you a little closer right now to prepare you for the blessings headed your way! 

Praise hand up, thats worth getting excited about!