Happy Saturday boss-babe-risers!
I have an exciting update for you. . .
We have a gorgeous new co-host coming to this blogosphere!
To me, she is Mango, however she will have a chance to properly introduce herself! Haha.
We are so excited about this blog, this platform to step out of our comfort zones and write about the God-placed things on our hearts.
Being a voice for young millennial women, being an encouragement for the broken, being more honest than you are used to in this politically correct world, being ready for wherever this adventure takes us, being a support for those who struggle to love themselves.
We get it.
We struggle in our own ways too, society is constantly pushing ideas on us about what we "SHOULD" be/do/idolize, they jabber on about what their narrow minded ideas of beauty, happiness or success looks like.
Screw that.
We are all beautiful, happiness and success will look different to each of us.
Today I want to talk about a company that I absolutely L.O.V.E.
Y'all, I love supporting small businesses, this company is no exception!
They employ people who are transitioning out of homelessness, how great is that?!
Maybe you've seen people wearing keys engraved with words like, "Breathe", "Let Go", "Purpose", "Brave", "Hope", ect.
Have you ever wondered about that?
I did.
I mean, old keys. . . cool, intentional words. . . cool. . .but why?
When you order a key with whatever word you choose, it can be one of their 12 standard options or a custom word, it comes in a little cloth bag and a card inscribed with:
"PAY IT FORWARD
Embrace your word. Then
pay it forward to a person you
feel needs the message
more than
you."
It took me a few months to choose the right word for me.
I decided on a word that I struggle with, a word that makes me both blush and feel disconnected to.
I chose:
w o r t h y
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't cringing right flippin now while writing this out,
but feeling worthy is something that I struggle with.
Especially in the department of love.
This is not a sob story, but it is an honest one.
I grew up without a dad.
For all intents and purposes he might have been there,
at least until I was 14 and then he wasn't, but he was never there.
I hardened my heart to the idea of a dad,
I told myself that dads weren't really important and I didn't need him anyway.
Fast forward 10 years and the very broken little girl inside my 24 year old heart was wondering how in the H E double hockey sticks I had ended up in such an awful, loveless and abusive relationship.
I'm not mad at my dad, sometimes people can't handle what life hands them,
but I see now, all that I missed in not having a dad.
Dad's are supposed to teach their daughters about their worth.
They are supposed to show them how a man should treat them, what they should look for in a spouse, show them that they are a daughter of the most high king and as such should be treated with love and respect.
Not having that as a kid, left me grasping for whatever love I could find and not knowing my worth meant that with my ex-husband, I settled for the mood swings, the name calling, the degrading insults, the fighting, the abuse and just accepted that as being what I deserved.
- Perks of Being a Wallflower
Flash forward another there years, E V E R Y T H I N G in my life is different which is both good & bad.
Good because, duh I'm not with someone who makes me wish I wasn't alive.
Bad because, where the heck do I go from here?
Dating has been an interesting and mostly horrible adventure.
So horrible in fact that I put myself on a dating fast.
Most of that was because once again, even though I had risen to the challenge and taken myself out of a horrible marriage, I still had no idea what I was worth.
I fell into some of the same patterns, I attracted some similar guys.
Not in an abusive sense just in a sense that they didn't honor my worth any more than I did, maybe they didn't see their own worth either. I don't know, but it wasn't what I was looking for. I didn't want more messes to contend with, but that what I got.
I think part of the problem is that, so often, people confuse LOVE with CO-DEPENDENCE.
That's a whole other post, but I know for me I fed off of the affection and affirmation,
however it was very difficult to go any deeper then that.
I couldn't bare my soul, I couldn't fully be myself.
It's been so weird and so great getting know myself during the dating fast.
I am a very introspective person, when I finally put down all the social masks and knocked down most of the protective barriers, I kind of liked what was left.
So i'm learning, I deserve more.
I am worth more,
I am worthy of healthy, soul baring, life doing, butterfly inducing, God-created, forever love.
I am worth higher standards.
After all, I am royalty. . . and so are you.
So this word "worthy", i'm still working on it.
Theres head knowledge and theres heart knowledge,
it hasn't made its way to my heart yet.
For now, I wear the key as a reminder.
SIDE NOTE: I started a new job two weeks ago, yesterday I wore the key necklace for the first time. Two of my co-workers asked me about it. One of them said that the whole thing sounded amazing and the other one looked at me and said "Alyssa, you're worthy" without even knowing my story! Which reminded me, it's just a story.
It's what happened to me, it is not who I am.
Okay ladies, I hope you have an amazing weekend!
What word would you choose if you ordered a key?
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